Deathly Hallows

my 1111111111111111111111111 th post!
111th lah haha.
IM so HAPPY...
i think?
cause of doing something.
urm....cant tell,sorry,haha.

the GRIEF book was damn nice!
is really help you move through grief.
do read it!
im lending it to tina later.
then to charmaine.
and then....
i think if too late...
i have to return the library books.
cause i have NO books to read already by then.
IM SO DAMN GLAD i borrowed it!
i hope charmaine and tina will be too,haha.
LOLOLOLOLOL.

anyway,let me share some pages of the book:
DO TAKE TIME READING THIS....
I GUESS MOST PEOPLE OF OUR AGE ARE EXPERIENCING....
GRIEF,SADNESS,LONELINESS,'EMO-NESS',ETC.
Trick #1 are you grieving?
Are you grieving?It's time to find out.One of the trickiest things about grief is that it can sneak up on you.It might take time to figure out that you're grieving.Acknowledging this can be very difficult because the next step means that you have to take and honest look at what's going on inside.And it ain't always pretty in there.
Grieving checklist
Read through the following list and take an honest look at what you're doing and how you're feeling.

Are you more tired than usual?
Do you get grumpy with people more often?
Do you feel like smashing something fragile?
Do you feel unusually lonely?
Do you want to talk to someone about something but just can't quite manage it?
Are you eating a lot more or less than usual?
Do you find yourself asking 'why' a lot?
Are you suddenly feeling vulnerable?
Do you feel that you have no control over what happens to you?
Do you feel that you just don't want to be around people,that you want to be by yourself a lot?
Do you flare up and feel like hitting out at people?
Are you using drugs and/or alcohol to numb your feelings?
Do you feel like everything is 'hopeless'?
Do you feel numb,like everything is going around you but you're not really there?
Do you miss something or someone so much that it physically hurts?
Are you doubting yourself,or feeling like you're worthless?

If you agree to some,most or all of these question,then you may be experiencing grief reaction.

Following is a wish list compiled by a group of young people who were asked what would make an ideal support person(whom you can share your grief with):
-Someone who will just listen-who will hear you and won't talk over the top of you
-Someone who doesn't say 'I know how you feel'
-Someone who doesn't judge you
-Someone with a sense of humour
-Someone who won't criticise you or make you feel stupid
-Someone who has had some sort of experience with a loss of yours
-Someone who can relate to me.Someone who can give me good advice
-Someone with lots of tricks up their sleeves
-Someone who will put their arm around you
-Someone who is free and accessible whenever you need them
-Someone who is genuine
-Someone who cares about me

Trick #12 don't snap out of it
It will take time to move through grief.There are no quick fixes.But it can be really hard for others to watch you going through a tough time.To get through grief,though,you have to stay with the hard feelings,so be careful of people's 'snap out of it' phrases.
'Don't worry,it happens to us all.'
'You'll see things differently tomorrow.'
'It's God's way of showing you that you're strong.'
'I know how you feel.'
'You'll feel better in the morning.'
You often hear things like this when people don't know how to deal with a difficult situation.They might feel uncomfortable or simply not know what else to say.Be patient with them.And try to remember not to use phrases like that yourself.

Trick #18 places to grieve
Under the shower.Walking the dog.Lying in bed.There are some places that are better than others for releasing emotions.If you can help it,it's easier not to have a sobbing session in class,for instance.Or at a concert.Not that there's anything wrong with sobbing.
But if you know that you're feeling a bit vulnerable and sad,then look after yourself by choosing a place where you can cry and not feel that you're being stared at.This might mean that you leave the cinema early,or move into another room away from where there are lots of people.Or you might stay in that room and tell your life story.It's really up to you.Whatever.It's okay.
There may be times when you have no control of your emotions and that's okay too.
Grief is better OUT than IN.

Trick #33 turn the radio up
Listen to your favourite songs.Whatever does it for you.If you've never listensed to gentle music,give it a go.If someone is sick or has recently dies,it can be healing and calming to play soothing music and light a candle.This allows space to breath,and space for thought,memory and focus.Music feeds the soul and energises the brain.Mozart started composing at just three years old,and even now(hundreds of years on)experts say his music is powerful and healing and energised.

Trick # 40 releasing anger
There are lots of things you can do to release anger.Drumming is one.Breaking or smashing plates is another.SO is going for a long run,or another strenous physical workout.Chopping wood is good.Screaming into a pillow can help.Any of these things might just work.For a while.
Chances are,though,that your anger will return.So you need to find out why you are angry.What or where does your anger stem from?Anger needs to be acknowledged and then removed,before it hurts you or someone else.
You have to unwrap an onion layer by layer before you get to its inside.Anger is like that.Lots of layers of skin.And an inside which sometimes makes you cry.

Trick #42 dealing with pain
Pain must be dealt with.The only way to deal with pain is to feel it.It can be challenging to do this.
Your methods of dealing with pain often go way back to what you learned as you grew up.When you were young and fell off your bike,a bandaid,some of that red stuff on your knee(so that everyone could see the graze)and a hug would make it better.It was finished and dealt with until you had to rip the bandaid off.
You learned to keep more and more to yourself.In part,this was learning to stand on your own twofeet.And now as a teenager,you keep certain things to yourself.You just don't always express your true feelings.Probably,no one emerges from childhood unscarred by some hurt they didn't acknowledge at the time.
These inner scars and unspoken secrets live with you.They make up your seccret self along with other precious things-your self-worth and self-esteem and your feelings of being lovable and deserving.Sometimes it seems easier to hide your true feelings-out of sight,out of mind-than to deal with them.
And so you learn to hide your pain.Which is pretty sad because pain doesn'y just go away.Old pain,new pain-it all has to be dealt with sooner and later.
Some people are good at getting rid of pain.They do this through playing,talking,fighting,stomping,writing,crying,laughing,learning.
But it's unusual to get rid of it completely.The pain that stays with you can build up over time,becoming twisted and distorted.The pain of grief can seem unbearable.But when your grief can contains leftover pain-stuff you haven't dealt with yet-it becomes bigger still,if that is possible.
So how do you deal with the pain of grief?And how do you deal with old pain?How can possibly go all this without exploding?
It is possible.And I've(the book) got just one word for you:Compost.
You compost the pain of your grief.Old grief,new grief.All of it.You do this by releasing your pain gently onto the compost heap.
Composting means looking at your pain instead of burying it.Allowing it to come to the surface and acknowledging it's there.You confront your feelings.You feel them.To the very core and depth of your being,you feel the pain.By doing this,you stop your pain from festering and maggots from breeding in it.
To make good,healthy compost you need to turn it,by acknowleding your feelings.Feed it with tears,or solitude,or sadness,screaming,or swearing,or punching bags.
When you recycle your pain,you allow for a new beginning inside.You stop being stuck.
When you compost,it's possible to look at how your pain has affected your behaviour.Perhaps it has caused you not to cry in front of others.Or to keep your true feelings ia secret.Maybe you didn't want to look weak or uncool in front of your mates,or you wouldn't let your emotions show.
What is the worst thing you can imagine about pain?That it will hurt?That it will never go away?That it will stop you from doing something,or being something?That people will laugh if they see you in an emotional state?That you will feel like a fool?That you will cause someone to dislike you,or lose respect for you?That you will be cast out of your peer group?That you will experience isolation?That you won't be able to deal with the emotions that arise?that you will never recover?That it will haunt you for the rest of your life?
When you compost your pain,you rebalance yourself.Fears,such as those above,are made smaller.Composting also give you new angles and views on what happened so that you can gain a new perspective.

okay,done....FINALLY!
remember:
Grief cannot be fast-forward.
And the time you grieve is limitless.
Don't ever snap out of it;
LOOK into it.
Tell yourself:
"I think I can,I think I can."
then,IMPROVE:
"I know I can,I know I can!"
FOR EXAMPLE:
if you want,you can:
first,start writing out all your grief.(you can listen to sad music,music that makes you cry which doing so)
After that,let your tears dry and cool yourself down.
Do you feel better?
then,write down the ways you can deal with each situation(your grief)-it may be one,two,or even up to five.(meanwhile,you may listen to inspirational songs to spur you on.)
When you are done,read everything and then pen down your afterward feelings.work towards the ways to deal with(your grief).
lastly(this is optional),listen to HAPPY/HIGH songs.sing along if you want to or feel like it.
after all that,you'll be telling yourself:
it was amazing.
after all those writing and grieving and tearing,
i feel so free now!
as though there are no more troubles anymore!

i just realised i forgot to changed the song in the playlist.
supposed to change on saturday,haha.
later i go change...
anyway,yesterday went to watch movie..
BUTTERFLY LOVERS,haha.
didnt thought that it turn out to be the WU ZUN show,LOLOLOL. =xX
hey but that show was NICE!!!!!!!! =DDD
touching and aww.......
tears can feel the eyes during the part where....
SHE lied to HIM that SHE didnt like HIM anymore...
all the way to the end.whoa.
looking forward to such movies again.
love stories and horror stories.
to make me capture the emotions.
and for touching movies...
looking forward to crying! LOL.

not going anywhere today.
but just woke up at 8.30 and found something to do.
and used computer and felt much better.
no BOWLING!!! *wails*
SOMEBODY is going bowling today!
wish i could go !!!
must be having fun there lah...z.zz
and actually wanna go play badminton with mq and tina de.
then the !! mq say she dont want go.....zzzzzzz
so only 2 person like no fun,
so cancelled..zzz.
idk what to do later...
i dont really feel like updating the story blog. =Xx
not TODAY.....
anyway,i [GTG].

XOXO,
[xiuqi]