Not your ordinary Mac and Cheese

Just 4 months back, Mac and Cheese acquainted.
Mac and Cheese realised they could complement each other. 
(Dear Cheese, I want to grow mold with you. Just like blue cheese.) 
Not long ago, Mac discovered that there is a possibility that Cheese could be gone for, say, 2 years.
Mac is having mixed feelings.
Mac wants the best for Cheese.Mac is happy for Cheese because Cheese would get to see the world.
Mac is also sad, not because Cheese would find another complement out there, but because being apart would mean they possibly couldn't complement each other anymore. 
If Mac and Cheese really complement each other, they would still do when Cheese returns.
However, a lot of things could end things between Mac and Cheese, say, realizing that there are other possible complements for each of them, or each one learning to get by without the other, and hence leading to growing apart eventually. 
Also, the issue is the uncertainty of whether Cheese would really be gone.
There is, say, 4 months before the verdict is out.
During this period of time, should Mac and Cheese continue being Mac and Cheese?
If the bond lasts, they would never ever be defeated, they have won the fight. 
Mac worries that it won't do better without Cheese's presence, because Mac would highly possibly grow to be so inclined towards Cheese.
Mac could either pull away from Cheese and focus on its own, like it used to before their acquaintance.
Mac could also just go all out, and when there comes the time for them to part temporarily, rely on the belief that they complement each other and put in some effort to sustain their compatibility.
Mac feels perplexed.
Should Mac give up or should Mac just keep chasing pavements?

Some thoughts while I'm commuting

Blogging just because of all the feels in me right now.

It's a Sunday morning and I'm commuting. 

Usually when I commute, I tend to walk fast and would rush a bit because I usually leave house at the "threshold" period which would land me in my destination just on time. 

Today I'm ahead of time and hence I take time to move myself. I get to observe people who are scrolling through their Facebook feed and playing jackpot on their phones. I get a good feeling because I feel for once, that time is on my side. 

I guess maybe it's because the end of 2015 is nearing that I'm pondering about how the year has been for me thus far.

Just 6-8months ago, I was at the lowest point of my life because of a dramatic composition. I hated myself for not being strong enough to handle an obstacle, to be there for a special someone. I hated my life because I was living in misery every day, feeling caught in between the people I love. I didn't know how to count my blessings. Given the same situation, I don't think a lot of people could do that too. 

Perhaps it's been too much of hell for me, now I'm getting a breather and feeling happy again. I quite like the way my life is right now and the people who are part of my life. Pretty sure the year will end well. 

To you: I hope you learn to live for yourself after this episode, and to seek happiness from within. I hope you eventually rid your regrets and forgive. I will always wish the very best for you.

I'm after all an escapist.

The past 2 months have been shitty, so shitty that I continue to stay lost and confused about my future and life. 

Because I live as an escapist, I avoid thinking about it by occupying myself with other matters. Such as work.

I enjoy work because it's where I can escape. It's a long period of time I make use of to keep my mind off things bothering me this whole time. 

Work has thus far been an eye-opener so far. I work for a non-profit organisation which has more than a thousand members under it, so I learn about various companies that exist. I realise that there actually is a hell lot of SMEs existing in Singapore. 

I learn about work politics, people's style of work and how their differences could affect their relationship and cooperation. I get to call people almost every day. While most people are nice on the phone, there are those few anal ones who want you to just get straight to the point. I have to be polite and introduce myself and what I'm going to talk about before I can get to the point so.... This is all so contradicting. 

There are 2 types of scenarios in a company. All colleagues versus the boss, or colleagues backstabbing one another. I'm thankful mine is the first case scenario. I'm glad my colleagues are able to speak foul of my boss during lunch instead of going to work in fear that they might land in trouble any time for any false statement by another colleague.

Because this is my first time taking up administrative duties in a company, I find myself being slightly careless in some things I do. Eg. Forgetting to cc an important email to my director, confusing others with 2 names (because I use Suzy and my real name)... 

Basically I'm still new to a lot of the whole work thingamajig so I have learnt quite a lot. But right now I'm busy with an upcoming event in July so I don't have time for my primary job, which is bad because I'm considering quitting when my contract ends in less than a month but now I feel obliged to extend my contract because I'm not done with my primary job and my colleagues are giving me other assignments. 

What sucks the most is that I have to travel one hour there and another hour back home. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, it's always a mad rush whereby I only have 30min to shower and eat and prepare to leave house to go tutor my tutee. Tiring is one thing, but I hate having to rush my food.

Other than that, my pay is a little too meagre considering that I have to travel so far out. The best part is that my company is 2 bus stops away from the mrt, not directly beside or anything. Having to face the crowd in the morning and evening is just annoying. I may just become claustrophic in time.

After ranting so much, I have to say that for now I prefer working to studying. I feel like I'm using my brain more and am more efficient and learn much more things that can be applied. Having said that, I cannot imagine having to slog for the rest of my life after university. Reality bites. 

Wow that was such a boring bit. But I'd rather be thinking this than other matters that would bother me more. 

Temporary drift

Sigh pie so I never thought I would be feeling like this about having to part with my favorite boy and my brother in 2-5 days' time but right now that the days they are going away is so near I'm starting to feel it.

I feel what I'm going to feel when they are gone. 

Although they're still here, I can already feel that I (would) miss them. 

I'm not the type to go crazy over someone I love but over the past one month I've grown quite attached to my favorite boy, maybe because we spent almost every weekday together this whole month. 

And then having to live without my brother's presence for 3 months? 

Not only is the house going to be quieter but I'm also going to have to miss having a brother to disturb and get annoyed back in return. 

It is quite pathetic having to feel this way because in all seriousness I thought I would have almost no hard feelings. Ok maybe a bit but not this much. Perhaps I'm pessimistic about how I'm going to deal with my feelings but it shouldn't get too bad right? 

Thinking too much, as usual, has caused unnecessary non-existent drama in my head. So I'm going to have to stop being a faggot now.